Tim and I have been together for four years this year (2018), We met a little later in life both having come from long-term relationships before that didn’t work out… In that four years I have moved to the shoalhaven to be with Tim starting work in an office an hour from here. We have bought a house been on overseas trips eloped to Hawaii and then there of course was our surprise Henry!!
Something I guess meeting at a bit of a later age, but not old 😉 Tim and I discussed was that life was short, we have brought so much to each others lives and we talked openly about what we wanted in life fairly quickly, well I can’t say too quickly as I did spend six months of us spending time together telling Tim we were only friends, he was so patient and agreed “Best friends” he used to reply with his cheeky grin later adding “best friends plus more”…. It wasn’t until I got half way across the world on a trip I booked to Italy that I admitted to him we were more than friends and that I loved him! Poor bugger the words he had been waiting to hear and I could only finally say them when I was 16,319km away across the other side of the world. I think that was the longest two weeks of his life waiting for me to get back to we could finally start a life together properly.
We talked about how we both wanted to be married and have a family, one thing I had shared with Tim is that there could be concerns around starting a family, as I had tried for over six years to start a family with my ex husband, we sought tests, I had surgeries, looked in to a number of things but it never happened. So I said to Tim I wasn’t sure I could have a baby, he respected me sharing and we went along with life.
We were never careful about it and after 3 years and speaking a little with the Dr to look at some things I had finally come to the conclusion we weren’t going to have a baby, and I had started to become ok with that, we had a great life, we had explored and travelled together, we live in a beautiful part of the world, on Tim’s days off we enjoyed the beach paddle boarding Tim takes amazing photographs of the ocean and waves. Life was good.
Although in my job I was restless, I just wanted something else…. we talked about different things and finally decided we would take six months off work to travel Australia, perhaps even longer, we would rent the house out, buy a caravan, fit it out to take our beautiful fur babies Missy (Doberman 14 years of age) and Snikkers (chocolate Labrador 10 going on 11 soon) and we would go. We might pick up some work here and there along the way. The more we talked about it the more I was set to make it happen, I worked out a budget started looking at caravans and was set. You see I am a planner, I like to be able to plan for whats happening it is what I do best.
I had spoken to my manager at work about time off work without pay, she said she would have to speak with our bigger bosses at work.
It was amongst all this planning and control I had of planning that you Henry surprised us.
I remember feeling not quite right for about a week, I knew that time of the month was coming and I always got bad cramping etc with that, I had, had some spotting so was sure that it was arriving anytime soon.
I remember the afternoon we found out about you Henry I remember it so very clearly. It was the 29th August 2017, I had been working from home that day, I had an appointment to go to in the afternoon, after my appointment I ventured got one of my favourite coffee shops to get a coffee and I decided to buy your dad a sweet treat. While I was there I ventured in to the IGA to get a few items and I don’t know what it was something in my head decided I should just buy a test. I felt a bit crazy as I thought no surely not, but then I had the urge so I did.
I got home I gave your dad his chocolate tart, I drank my coffee and I went to the bathroom, Your dad was in the garage working on some things for our garden. I took the test, it didn’t take long for those two lines to show up so clearly, there was no questioning it like I had in the past when taking tests it was a positive.
My thoughts began racing “What, how but how could this be?” we were planning our trip around Australia, ‘I can’t be pregnant’ this wasn’t going to happen for us. I was in shock!! I then thought ‘How am I going to tell your dad’ this moment I had waited for so long in my life and given up on it happening, I can’t just tell him, this is supposed to be special. I had previously thought up in my mind how I would do this in a special way a thousand times, and now I didn’t know what to do.
I raced to the bedroom, finding an old box, I wrapped the test up in it and wrapped the box, I then got a card and wrote a heartfelt quick message in the card, I set up the phone on the bench to record and called him inside.
First thing he notices is the bloody phone! of course, I was hoping he wouldn’t see it, he waved at it and smiled and looked nervous, I looked nervously back at me, I went to the bedroom, getting the wrapped box and said to him “I got you something an early birthday present”
“You shouldn’t have darling” he replied as I sat it on the table in front of him, he read the card as I waited and waited what felt like forever as I giggled nervously in the background. then began opening the gift “It’s not sunglasses I said as he opened the box (as it was an old sunglasses box, he finally pulled out the test smiled but then looked at me and said “Is that correct darl” “apparently” I answered and he came to hug me I just stated to cry and cry “I wasn’t expecting that” I said to him and kept crying your dad laughed at me and hugged me as I cried.
Once we pulled ourselves together your dad went back out to the garage to work more on his project I remained shocked, contacting a close friend to tell them of my shock they were so happy for me, I still somehow could not process it.
When he returned inside, I kept asking him “Are you ok?” even though I was the one who somehow wasn’t. I still remember his reply to this day it forever makes me laugh.
“No I’m ok, I went out there had a think about it and I am going to get my teeth fixed, I am going to get my feet fixed and we will be ok”
In my thoughts I just laughed so in all of ten minutes he decided as long as he got his teeth fixed and feet fixed all would be good.
I cried, I cried for a few days from shock, I think in my head I questioned was your dad ok with this because of what we had been planning and now that wouldn’t happen and I just still couldn’t believe it had happened, the worst part was that I had to go away the next day for a work meeting and couldn’t be home with him. On the Friday morning when I was home I had a PT session to go to, I had to tell my PT who is also a good friend as I didn’t want to do anything I shouldn’t, so I went in and I cried again telling her I was pregnant, she laughed and congratulated me I was still in shock.
That weekend I had booked a yoga retreat weeks before which was probably the best timing that had been booked as there I was able to gather my thoughts, realise what a blessing this was and get myself together.
I arrived home on the Sunday afternoon which happened to be fathers day, your dad still at work and I decided that I was going to cook him the most amazing dinner and when he got home I would say to him we are going to start again… I cooked all afternoon preparing him a lasagne using grass-fed wagyu beef mince and creating the most delicious sauce and I cooked myself a separate gluten-free one.
Your nanny and poppy dropped by as soon as your dad was home, so I didn’t get the chance straight away to say what I wanted to, we chatted to them while I heated our dinner and then we asked them if they would like some. They declined as they had eaten so we started to eat ours, only problem was I took one bite of mine and instantly felt like I wanted to vomit. I ate my broccoli instead and sat there quietly waiting and hoping your nanny and poppy would leave soon as I was pretty sure I needed to run to the bathroom, I didn’t touch any more of my lasagne I had spent all afternoon cooking.
Finally they went I told your dad I felt sick, then said to him I wanted to start again from the other day “Honey we are having a baby” I said to him, He pretended to act surprised and laughed and hugged me. We were going to be ok.
Only from that day the sickness started to increase, I found myself vomiting early in the mornings, I started to read up some information, ‘try ginger’ try pregnancy vitamins’, vitamin b….. I tried all of these things but as a couple of weeks went on the sickness increased more, I couldn’t even keep down water. I remember going on a work trip to Mildura, I wondered how I would make it through the flight, I only just managed and between visits for work I was living off potato chips as I could eat them.
While I was away in Mildura, my manager messaged ‘I have spoken to the bosses about your leave for your trip it is approved’ I cried again and messaged your dad..
The sickness increased so much, I spent one day just vomiting and vomiting, another day I had vomited 20 times before 11am, I couldn’t keep anything down not even an ice block, I tried acupuncture it didn’t work. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum an extreme form of morning sickness which may or may not last the whole pregnancy. The Dr wrote me scripts for Zofran and I had to be on that medication daily to manage it. I remember I was not sleeping, I would wake at 3am and vomit then need to eat, I eventually was able to eat apples at that time take my Tablet and maybe fall back asleep for an hour, then I would be up eating corn flakes with almond milk.
For a while I survived on potato chips and coke things I would never normally eat, I liked to look after myself and cooked really healthily, even down to treats I cooked and baked they were refined sugar-free, gluten-free and usually dairy free. I had to have the gluten-free due to my coeliac.
The sickness continued throughout my whole pregnancy, so much so I had to tell my manager early on, she was really good and organised my visits in a way that I could manage them and leave if I needed too.
I remember travelling to Broken Hill for work and joking with her that the people in the room next door would think I was a party animal as I wasn’t showing yet and was up vomiting each morning early, they probably thought I was a drunk.
While in Broken Hill for work I walked past a shop one day. I bought a little linen koala toy “Look what I bought for Leila” I messaged your dad. I was convinced you were a girl and your dad and I agreed you would be Leila. a few short weeks later we found out your were a boy (sorry Henry)….
Every appointment with you even though my blood pressure was low, they always commented how healthy you were, they said how strong your heartbeat was and that you seemed to be a good size.
I remember being in awe at our 12 week scan at the little body growing inside me, we could clearly see your head, your spine, your arms and legs and fingers and toes. Although I was so sick the whole way through which made it hard at first, it didn’t take us long to begin to get excited, discussing at night-time how we would take you to the beach, in the water, on picnics in the sun and just how we wanted to show you the outdoors, your dad talked about how he’d love to have you in the garage beside him while he listened to the radio, a pod cast or worked on his car.
We joked with people about how scary it was and that we wouldn’t know what to do, but we were both so excited for you and looking forward to you in our lives.
It was once I began to feel and see your movements I just absolutely had a strong connection with you, I would watch my stomach move daily, it wasn’t long until I would play music to you and watch you react to the sound, I remember the first time I did that I just smiled and messaged your dad who was on a night shift to tell him all about it.
I also read to you “There’s a sea in my bedroom” one of your dads favourite childhood books as I wanted you to hear it before you even arrived.
Never doubt how loved you are our beautiful boy Henry.
Anytime you would move and I would call your dad to come feel your movements, he’d place his hands on my stomach and you would stop. We joked it was his calming influence and that once you were here he would be the one who would calm us all down in those tough moments.